The Loochi Saga

[Dnote]

Loochi Has An Addiction

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I've been seeing this chick lately, we've been hanging alot and we have alot of things in common. In truth, I really think she could be the one. Only thing I disapprove of her is the fact she doesn't like video games. She says that I spend way too much time worrying about diablo 2 rather than being intimate with her. Told me if this continues to happen or if I decide to play the game again, I would have to resort to my right hand for a good time.

Lil T's been giving me shit lately about being a pussy whipped bitch.

I rang isabel up and set the night out.

*ringgg rinngg..*
Isabel: Hello?
Loochi: Who's the number one super pimp around cool.gif
Isabel: Awww hey youuuuu. What you doing? !?! You better not be on that stupid low life game. I swear it's over if I hear another 'HEEE'
Loochi: hell naw, you know me girl.. I un installed that shit and put the cd under the lawn mower. Mawed it to shreds. Listen, I've been thinking about us and I want to take it to the next level.. How bout you come over for dinner and we get shit rollin. Just the two of us.
Isabel: I'd like that papi *mwaaa*

I go and have a shower upstairs and freshen up. Put on my orange tuxedo and wear my rainbow coloured jandals. This is a special occasion, needed to look swole. I tied my pony tail back (Hair still hasn't grown back so I kinda look like a barbarian cross bred with an assassin.) and put my aviators on. Lookin' real smooth with that shit and a tattoo on my face.

Isabel walks in and see's dominos pizza on the table. Not her kind of romantic dinner. This is basically when the night failed.

Isabel: The fuck is this shit...? You didn't even cook? You called for a pizza?
Loochi: Well what the fuck did you want??! KFC?
Isabel: Just forget it Loochi, you're never going to understand.. I always fall for guys like you. Handsome.. Maybe I should go to a geek like your friend T.
Loochi: Fuck that shit, I'd break his neck! Let me make it up to you.
Isabel: How?
Loochi: How about we go upstairs to my room wink.gif
Isabel: ooo Ok wink.gif

Isabel grabs me by the arm and bites her bottom lip, she's one kinky slut. That's why I'm head over heels for her. She can suck a dong for hours, a true keeper. We didn't waste time, I strip down to my humoungous legs and anaconda like penor and penetrated right through that boreeto, made her gasp as soon as I entered. I'm goin all out hittin that shit from every angle on every piece of furniture. She was moaning so loud, neighbors were callin the police and shit because they couldn't sleep.

Jus as I was about to bust, I was hittin her from the back and I see the lap top nearby, I decided to log on to my account while I'm tappin taht shit and went to a duel game. (ofcourse I put it on mute so she couldn't hear the leap attack) - It was so hard to multi task, I couldn't concentrate.

Isabel: FASTTER LOOCHI !!
Loochi: WAIT UP BITCH, I NEED GO TO AKARA TO HEAL.
Isabel: *turns head around* NO THE FUCK YOU DIDN'T. *pushes her self off me* - We're fucking through. I hope you enjoy your life loochi. You're a fuckin loser addict
Loochi: Babe wait! I can explain!
Isabel: NOT THIS TIME LOOCH. IT'S OVER.
Loochi: CAN'T I ATLEAST BUST!? I'M SO CLOSE.

About now isabel gets in her car and does a skid and rolls off. I've never been dumped in my life. And to make shit worse, I didn't even cum and I'm stil horny.. Saw a sigon wearing assassin and decided to finish the job to her. Started walkin off ot taht.

Should I seek therapy? I'm so depressed..

[Dnote]

Loochi Needs FG.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi

So I got me a job to keep my mind off the bad things that have been happenining lately. Plus I needed to stay away from Diablo II as far as possible due to the fact it has been ruining my life. I decided the best job to keep my mind off it was to be a security guard.

Started my day off at the mall, I'm scoutin around with my binoculars lookin' at girls tits. Some fly ass teenagers with double D's. Got my biceps flexed incase one felt like askin' me something.

I walk down the stores to see if any punks causin trouble. I stop by the video game store and decided to see if any nerds where causing mahyem. Had to prove my alpha dominance.


Fred: HAHA! I beat you biggrin.gif
Jaime: Your controller is better than mine!
Loochi: I've heard enough from you two freaks talkin shit. Leave this joint before I get out my ketchup sauce. cool.gif (They wouldn't allow pepper spray in canada because they are a bunch of pussies. (had to live there to earn some paypa) )
Morana: Excuse me sir? Did these boys do anything wrong?
Loochi: The only violation they made sweet tits, is that the fact they were playing a lame ass game *Shoves wc3 in her nose*
Morana: *Gasps at how rude I am* I BEG YOUR PARDON..
Loochi: My job is done here, I'll escort these 2 felons to the main office for serious punishment.

About now the pussy nerd boys were crying and begging for mercy. Hanging on to my sleeves and shit, I'm pissed off. Gonna knock them the fuck out if they keep this pussiness up. Canadians I tell ya.. I'm a nice guy so I dropped the whole thing. But in order for that to happen, I had a squeeze of Morana's fine tits and gave the boys 400$ ticket to learn their mistake. My job here is done cool.gif

I was on my way to get lunch wen I see this fly brunette with what appears to be the size of vida guerra's ass. I knew that if I didn't touch or sniff it, I'd go home depressed. Proceeded in a gangsta fashion towards where she worked at. The flower shop. Caught her staring at my arms a few times so I decide to give her a show.

Loochi: You ever seen a shotgun before?
Linda: You have one??
Loochi: *flexes bicep* cool.gif
Linda: *giggles* Wow, your so handsome and tough. Very intellectual with your jokes too.
Loochi: Tell me something I don't know cool.gif
Linda: I'd love to chat but --
Frank: HEY ASSHOLE! YEAH YOU, SECURITY CHUMP
Loochi: Heh, exuse me for one second vida. *turns around*
Linda: It's linda..

I can't believe it?! It's these two lil boys I gave the ticket to. They got their broke ass bald out of shape dad to sort me out. I'm about roll on the floor and laugh at this shit. Fuckin' canadians I tell ya..

Frank: Look here, As a brother Canadian I atleast execpt you to tear these ticke --
Loochi: *takes off aviators* the fuck did you jus call me?
Frank: ?
Loochi: No one calls me a canadian and gets away with it.
Frank: My mistake, I didn't reali--

From this point on I punched Frank so hard I sent him through the other store. Don't know what these walls are made out of in this country. Probably plastic. He's on the floor crying and shit while his boys laughin and pointing at him.

was on my way to mcdonalds for a good healthy meal when suddenly I see my cousin kuzin K advertising barbarian posters.. I froze in my spot. The game that I love has found me again, even when I tried to leave it. This is true love I tell you.

For some reason after I saw the barbarian, It sparked a new mentality in me. I ripped off my shirt in pbulic and took off my pants, grabbed a pot plant and I was running down the escalators like a barbarian. Security manager saw this and sent his boys on me. I bet these pussies never took on a barbarian before.

Both come up and try to handcuff me. Another mistake these canadians will never learn. "Never take on a barbarian with ketchap sauce." Shit's going down now son.

I squashed the packet of watties ketchup sauce into their eyes and smashed the pot plant on their head. I sprinted down the mall grabbing as much tits as possible and took 4 diablo 2 action figures (all barbarians)

I tripped up and was cuffed by security. I'm on my way to the canadian head penetentiary.

Can anyone send me foreign gold so I can get out of here? Thanks.

[Dnote]

Loochi Gets Into A Fight.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I'm back at college again with new papers to study for. It's lunch time on a Monday and I got about 6 plates full of food all to my self. A tough OG like me needs as much food to stay in shape all year round. Gotta stay big incase if a pussy tries to to act tough and call for back up. My life basically consists and attracts haters and thugs. I don't blame them if they want to smash a handsome pimp like me since I bang their girls cool.gif

I was sitting oppisite my cousin Kuzin K eating my chicken and skullin back my protein shakes. I like Kuzin K, he's family but he's way too fuckin picky. For example, He won't do or eat anything that doesn't have the letter K in it. For lunch he drove back home and brang a box of special 'K' cerial. This kid's got issues, He only plays act 3 on D2 since Kurast. Works out good for him on D2 though, His summoner necromancer is surrounded by mages and if anyone dares try to get in contact with him, he'll punch them in the head with his immortal 'King' maul. High damage and has zod for extra indestructiblity and eld rune for .......... Well, That's pretty much self explanatory..

I was about to take another sip of my 'become-A-barb' protein shake (Blizzard's special concuction) when suddenly I hear this pussy hollerin some shit across the table. Something about 'taintedhams is the mans.' ?!??

I'm telling you, pussies these days will do or say anything just to get recognised. Put my blizzard shake down, wiped my face and put my aviators on to head over to see what the fucks going on. And ofcourse possibly a r/l duel.

I come and this kid has a laptop and he's playing D2, dueling in a low level duel game when he's clearly level 90+ or something (Can tell by the way this kid looks, same stereotype gamer look that you see on MTV) - I reached over with my gargantuan arms and pushed the power button. Nearly broke the buttons because I got so much damn power. Such strength can only come from one who is born and raised in Harrogath.

taintedhams: Wtf asshole? Don't touch my computer you fuckin steroid abusing arab looking jew. Gtfo before me and the boys kick your ass.
Loochi: *Takes off aviators and looks directly into his eyes* Pussies like you gotta stop pickin' on noobs. Duel someone your own size *points to himself*

About now the whole cafeteria is shoutin and hollerin at us ' Fight !' Even the pussy ass principle started betting foreign gold on the winner. Kuzin K comes to back me up with his kebab skewer ready to handle shit incase these pussies try to use weapons.

taintedhams logs back in with his druid 'Boss' - I knew this pussy is going to hack even before the duel began, He's wearing a red antler which is wayyy too big to fit on his body (Musta required 300+ str, nothin much to a barb but a druid..) and a sissy ass cinderella wand. How does this kid expect to beat a barbarian with ethreal snap w/ thul? Basically this fights mine. We both hostiled and everyone's behind the computers jumpin and hollerin, distractin me. I'm about ready to knock everyone the fuck out with my bear like swipe but needed to focus on the main issue. Kick this pussy's ass.

He was casting tiny storms that deal lots of damage and not to mentions his parrots were pecking the fuck out of my eyes and atleast taking 1/8th of my life with each peck! Couldn't leap high enough to hit them, gravity was against me in this duel.. Summoned a grim ward which scared off his pets and now it's down to use two alone.

Loochi: Your dogs and parrots are too much of pussies to come near me, reminds me of you son?
taintedhams: Blow it out yo' ass faggot.

We dueled and it was intense, I'm sure the table we were playing on was shaking due to the duel being intense. Battlenet gave us warnings to stop the duel otherwise their pussy CEO was gonna go bankrupt since they support the shittiest bnet service. I look over to taintedhams and his comp was lagging. Perfect oppertunity to show him what a true herculean like barbarian can do once he's off his feet. I leaped and leaped and got him to half life. I'm basically winning when suddenly I get a tray full of food smashed on my head, then straigh after that a chair made out of titanium aloy on my head! This didn't even hurt, I basically got iron skin just like a barb. I get up facing the same direction and I turn around slowly and get punched in the face by his two pussy goons.

Loochi: Which one of you pussies chucked that paper plain on my head? cool.gif
John: wtf?! That was a chai --
Matt: stfu. *pulls out a knife* Let's go now faggot. Tryna BM while our boy lags huh?

I started shouting and screaming in real life and puttin my arms in mid air in hopes to increase my life and defence since I'm dealing with a fag with a knife. Before I can even dodge the knife, Kuzin K runs in and stabs Matt with a Kebab Skewer! About now Matt's on the floor dying and shit and taintedhams, John run out the window like pussies leaving their friend to die. Police where called and Kuzin K was expelled, charged with man slaughter, murder, dangerous weapon user.

I'm talkin shit with the police tellin them to let him the fuck go, he stabbed Matt for a good reason and if I had that kebab skewer I'd shove it up his ass.

Loochi: Yo, fuckin let him go low life po-leec.
Officer Mike: Well, well, well? Loochi. I knew from the moment there was a stabbing it would be you or your punk relation that had something to do with it *smerk*
Loochi: Fuckin bitch.

Today was a pretty bad day for the start of the semester. taintedhams and I never got to finish our duel and he ran away and left the blame on my cousin while he has to go to jail now.

When I find this kid I'm going to leap on him in real life. I don't fuckin play around when I duel weather it's D2 or real life.

Guys, Who's fault is it? taintedhams or Kuzin K's? Please vote so I can show that pussy of a cop and set my cousin free..

[Dnote]

Loochi Goes to Europe.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I'm with the crew travelin around europe to get as much diverse poon as we can before we hit the streets of cancoon. Stopped off in France, the land of smelly cheese. Walked around in my singlet to show off my arms and let these snail sucking douche bags who the fuck's rollin' past. Got G_Bomb behind me with Giant_J incase one of those notradam lookin faggots try to jump me.

Saw a restaurant that claimed it was 5 star and had the internet. My chance to show my barbarian off to the hote babes of paris cool.gif

Kicked the door open incase there was hot babes inside, Needed to make sure they see the bad boy side of me. I walk up to the cashier with my laptop in my left hand and umberella in my right incase if they tried to play 'tough guy' and the guy I'm about to order food from has a hilarious name, sukhdeep. He looked black and indian and had eyes like chris tucker.. It was everyitng in me not to laugh.

Loochi: Suck-deep huh? cool.gif - Do you swallow to?
Sukhdeep: *french accent* Naw, I dawnt. Are yaw havin here?

G_Bomb and Giant_J laughed their ass off at his accent, about now this pussy ass faggot got so angry he went to the back room hollerin some shit about tourists in his french language. Lucky he wasn't over the counter otheriwse I woulda sent him through the roof with one punch.

Saw a hot babe sittin alone readin some gay cleo magazine. This was the perfect oppertunity to show off the items i have on my character. I go take a seat next to here and tense my biceps.

Loochi: *in a loud voice* ANYONE HERE NEED A BONESNAP WITH A THUL? HOW ABOUT CATHANS MASK?
Eva: Plawz kawp it dawn.. I'm rawding cleo magazawn.
Loochi: ? You sound like a fucking Amazon.. Some kinda tom boy shit if you ask me.. But you got some fine tits and that's all i'm after wink.gif

I proceeded to ask for her number when I suddenly see what appears to be her boyfriend comng over and sittin next to her with his hands around her. I'm readin to knock him the fuck out.

Leo: Halaw. I'm Leawww. Plawzed to meet yaw.
Loochi: Shove it up your ass 'Leo' I'm here to bang your girl one way or another. If you get in my way, even better. I'm always up to fight pussy french men. Your race is a disgrace and a failure to the earth since the dawn of time. And your croisants taste like shit!

About now Leo had a angry fit at me but the way these french people try to offend someone jus makes me laugh? This is what he said to me.

Leo: CROSAWNT TASTE LIKE SHIT HAW? WELL, GUESS WAAATT YAW FAGGAWT. I ATE YOUR DADS ASSHAWL!!!!
G_Bomb: LOL ! Yeah, no arguements there son. I can smell it in your mouth.
Giant_J: No one tlalks about our dads like that you french pussy.

Giant_J was sensitive when it comes to family so he picked up Leo and threw him through the glass window. Eva got up and chucked her mocachino in giant J's eyes, He's runnin around screaming like the incredible hulk and smashin random objects near him. I wasn't happy about this. No body fucks with the crew but me. Jus as I was about to grab Eva by the hair and make her blow my balls,

Sukdheep comes in to see what the hells going on when G_Bomb turns around and sends him a punch to the jaw that sent him flying to the dishes, about now customers got up tryna fight us foreigners. I was back to back with G_bomb surrounded by french assholes. Had to bring out my umberella and wak off some of these failures to life. G_Bomb is a good all round fighter, He grew up in the streets. He's punching these guys and knocking them the fuck out, elbow after elbow and throwing a few knees in. I'm swiping my umberella like a sword and poking them in the eye and using it as an olypic high jump tool incase I got surrounded.

Leo comes back in the store bloody with an oozy!! Fuckin' french pussies I tell you!

Leo: GAWT OUTT OF MY HAWM TOOWWWN!!!!!!! *Shoots off rounds*

I had to react fast, I jumped by G_Bomb and opened up my umberella, deflecting bullets and shit, we're hiding within its circumferance thinkinf of a plan to knock this nazi out. G_Bomb had a grenade in his pocket that we snuck threw customs. Told those french pussies that it was a mini pine apple, fell straight for it. G_Bomb unpins it and threw the grenade straight into leo's mouth!! Leo is runnin around screaming and shit, We had to make a run for it but we needed to grab Giant_J, took both of us to lift his 880lb ass, not to mention he's got quite a bit of length to him too, one mile to be precise.

We make it across the road and we see a mushroom explosion. Me and G_Bomb drop Giant_J on the ground and start laughin at the scenery, rolled up a blunt and rang the taxi to take us to the airport to germany, nothing to see in this wanna be of a country. Might leave Giant_J here because we don't have the financial's to pay for his wounds.

Any good places in Germany guys?




Europe, Day 2

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I'm chillin' in Germany now and I'm at this private club gettin the maddest lap dances from the flyest hunnies, they all grindin on me and shit and I'm jus keepin it smooth with my aviators on and skullin my yak. These fuckin' Nazi's have the worst taste in music. Sounds like some pokemon techno or some shit. Had two pussies buzzin out from what they claimed to be 'Ecstacy' but I bet it was just an aspirin pill. They all fallin by me and shit making a scence in hopes of snatchin my girls off me. I pushed the big tit blonde of me and grabbed the whisky bottle from the brunette near by and smashed it over one of there head.

Yuri: Dood!! You fukin crazy? He's unconcious and bleeding and shit ! What the fuck!
Loochi: Teach you pussies right. Leave this club and take this nerd with you before I take off my aviators and show you how serious I am.

About now he's on the phone probably to the police about the whole situation. I ain't scared of no german fags. I run this country from the moment I landed from Paris. I see G_Bomb and some fly ass asian chick in the corner, she pulls his pants down starts sucking his dong and swallowing everybit of cum he dribbled in an instant, much like a ES sorc with telekenisis picking up gold off the ground. Bloody asians.

I got bitchs all over me, Can't see a damn thing from all the pussy surrounding my vision, I'm swimming in german poon cool.gif but the music sucks shit brotherz.. I put my headfones on and change song to 'track 3 blood moor' I love this beat, always reminds me of my victories against pussy nerds who spend all their time playing the game while I'm out at the clubs gettin poon and play the game once a week. I quickly flick to the next track 'blood moor remix' which has quil rat and zombie sound effects in the back ground and the gargatuan beast sound in the chorus. This shit needs to be heard.

I pushed the bitchs off me and they started talkin shit about how rude I am. Took a skull of my absynth and then spat it in her face. She's cryin and wanting security and shit. I'm laughin and I see G_Bomb with his thumbs up after he saw me do that shit. I wish Giant_J was here, hope he's ok all knocked out and half dead in Paris.

I walk over to the DJ and ask to have a quick word about hte music..

Nigel: Sup man. Enjoyin the music?
Loochi: That's exactly why I'm here. First of all, the music sounds some sort of digimon shit remixed with britneyspears. Take that shit off son, no one wants to hear that shit.
Nigel: ? Well, Everyone else seems to like it..
Loochi: They'll like this one, put it on and set it to track 4

About now the blood moor theme comes and the girls go wild, takin off their bras and shit and making out with one another. This club is bouncin coz of my shit

Loochi: You mad Nigel? I ain't even a DJ and I owned your shit. cool.gif
Nigel: WTF? How are they liking this crap!? All I hear is monsters humping eachother mad1.gif
Loochi: Heh, I knew your jealous weak ass would hate. Come to the dance floor for a second, I wanna show you something

We make way to the floor and as soon as nigel gets here I sent him an upper cut which literally sent him flying to the nearby table which was about 1 mile away (club is huge) - Some kinda knockback effect from my hit. I turn around and I see G_Bomb gettin picked on by 2 dudes, one claimed that the asian chick was his girl and the other one claimed it was his sis. Needed to back my homie up on this one.

Andrew: That's my fucking girl man. I'm gonna kick your fuking ass
Drew: That's my friends girlfriend and she's my sistor man, He's going to kick your fuking ass!

The bloodmoor theme is still on, I'm amped for a fight. This shit jus puts me in the mood to crack anyones skull, I dash towards them and leap onto the table near by and land in a spider man position with my biceps flexed, girls panties dropped after this pose, these german pussies couldnt get enough of my shit. I hop off the table and I throw 2 bottles of heinken like throwing axes, smashed into their heads. The brother of the girl G_Bomb had sucking his dong is crying and shit and running around like a bitch, fell down the 355 step stairs. I think he died because we stopped hearing him.

I'm fighting her boyfriend and kicking his ass, Just about I was gonna knock him out, the worst song comes on! Lut gholein! I'm in a chilled out mood now, Gettin hit and feelin it. Not a good thing. G_Bomb comes in and elbows the guy in the head and picks up the table and smashes it across his back. This fine blak hair chick comes to try kiss me from all the hard fights I put up. I ain't in the mood so I grabbed her by the hair and threw him into the dj stage. Smashed the whole place up.

Pussy as faggots runnin out the clubs to the nearest phone booth callin the german police. This continent fuckin sucks, no one puts up a real fight.

Saw some blue liquid in a bottleneck shapped bottle with gold stripes around it. Looked like a manapotion or sme shit, I'm tired and I needed to replenish my energy. Took one sip and I'm buzzin. This continent so far sucks dick muchlike the locals.

Guys, What's a good place in Europe?

[Dnote]

Loochi Gets Banned!

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I was in a duel game just before and I was getting killed by all kinds of hackers. Now you guys know me.. I'm not the type to bitch when I lose a duel (Which I never really do lose) , I suck it up and leap at them where ever act they choose to go to. But this has gone way too far. I was getting naked killed by a barbarian that was shooting guided arrows.. (Wtf?)

I decided enough was enough and I quit out the game and joined the blizzard tech support channel.

Musta took about 6 hours before I could talk to a blizzard employee but it was gonna be well worth the wait. I finally got the chance to let out what's been bottled up inside me for many weeks.

Justin: Welcome to blizzard support, how can we be of service to you?
Loochi: First off Justin, I'm really disappointed with the lack of security you guys have on bnet. It seems that every game I join has a glitch or a hacker in it.
Justin: Can you tell us an example of this 'hack'
Loochi: Well, just before I got killed with one shot from a barbarian with guided arrows. An amazon attack. How do you explain that? And a long time ago me and my main man T where humiliated by a hacking teleport druid. Have you given up on bnet justin? The fuck's going on?
Justin: There's an explanation to all this.. These skills that you refer to as hacks are skills given from items.. Please watch your language, There is no need for profanity in this channel
Loochi: I can say what I want, when I want you fucking fairy. You're justa low life geek talking to low life losers who come asking shit in this pice of shit channel.
Justin: You're here aren't you?
Loochi: Look ass hole, I wanna speak to the creator of this game. Tell his pussy ass to come to the channel. I'm gonna ruffle his feathers for bein slack about this shit.
Justin: Look, this is your last warning about profanity. One more obscene word and we WILL close your cd key and dis allow you to join bnet.
Loochi: How about you suck my dick and do something about the hackers that run wild through these servers Justin? Or how about you give me your address so I can come over and kick your fucking ass.

About now I got disconnected and everytime I try to log on bnet I get the "Your cd key has been banned"

Guys. Is there a way to play again? What am I going to do now.. I've put so much of my life into this game.

Any advice?

[Dnote]

Loochi Ruins the Game.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

I wake up this morning late as usual, I check my answering machine and I must have about 6 msgs informing me I'm late for work, I ignore them and decide to check my cell phone. As usual, I have a full inbox of messages (happens everytime I wake up) from the girls tryna be with me. I get in the shower and get mentally prepared for what I'm going to do in diablo 2 today.

I quickly type in my login name and password and select my barbarian to nail some serious pussy noobs to the ground and show the who the fuck runs the west side of bnet. I join a pk game and I see my homies G_Bomb and Lil T waiting by the bridge with disapproval. Decided to see what the fucks botherin my home boys.

Loochi: Sup you fucking pussies. What's going on?
G_Bomb: Sup playa? Ready to leap?
Lil T: Man.. That fucking sorc is doing meteor and guarding the front entrance..
Loochi: I'll deal with taht shit.

The sorceress kept up the bad manner town hug and non of these pussies was going to say anything. I had to step up and show her what I'm made of.

Loochi: Oi sorc. Get the fuck out if you're going to keep town huggin.
Snitchy-Sorc: Oh yeah? What you gonna do about it?

Lil T hates this sorta arguement bullshit on the net so he quickly runs out and casts frozen orb and kills him with one hit. ABout now the kids swearing and shit and blaming his death on lag and luck on our behalf. We jus stood right on top of his bodies laughin / hollerin and guarded that shit incase he tried to reclaim it. This pussy quit the game and everyone in the game knew we were elite.

Loochi: Anyone else wants to play around? Fuckin pussies.

Me and the boys were still in the game practise dueling against eachother (them on me) and I didn't lose once, lots of cheers from my fans for winnin 2v1's. We decided it's gettin late and we should join another game.

We joined 'free rush baal q' and i could not believe how small bnet was.. It was snitchy-sorc in this fucking game..

He was guarding the worldstone waypoint and not letting these noobs transit to the next difficulty, I had to put an end to thisonce and for all. I put on my Cathans mask and bought a gothic bow from larzuk to shoot this S.O.B from far away, didn't want to leap and get my ass burned, I play this game smart. I put the S into strategy. I get into the wp and I'm taking hits like a jock from the meteors, surviving and shit, I'm the only one man enough to take hits in this game. G_Bomb gets in and dies in a blink of an eye. Lil T comes in shortly and manages to teleport away but gets killed by a blow up guy. It's down to me.

I'm shootn this bich with my bow penetrating the fuck out of him. Musta wore his mana out or someshit because he was running around and not teleporting. I quickly hit 'w' and leap on him. took him down to half life, I see him running to the tp scroll nearby, I'd be damned if I let that happend. I leaped infront of him and landed right infront of him

Loochi: Say your prayers faggot.
Snitchy-Sorc: Don't you have better things to do than try kill me bitch.

I switch back to my gothic bow of the light that gives 2 to light radius and shot him about 7 times before he died. Jacked his gold and made a tp for T and G to come back and get their bodies. About now he's all hollerin and shi about how we ruin this game.

Guys.. Do I really ruin this game?? I was just trying to keep the ethics into prospective..

[Dnote]

Do I Need Anger Management?

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I was drivin home from this chicks house that I recently took away her virginity. I always wear a singlet and my avtiators when I'm driving, even when It's night time. Never know when a group of hot gals will be lookin, gotta keep shit smooth. I have my biceps hangin out the window to let pussies know who the fuck's rollin' past. Just I was about to turn to my road, I get a call from Lil T.

Lil T: Sup Looch', come pick me and D Baby up from the local high school. We just found 4 hot chicks and we were telling them all about you and shit. They wanna have a picnic down lake and want to get to know us. I got the condoms with me xD
Loochi: Better have double D's otherwise I'm gonna smack you across the head. See you in 3 min's.

I get there in my lamogini and set my hydrolics up and down hitten them switches. I turn heads with my gangsta rap music up loud, princple didn't like this one bit and came right up to my window to try tell me to turn it down.. BIG mistake cool.gif

Princple Prickly: Excuse me sir, please leave this premisis you are distrupting the aura of peace around here.
Loochi: *rolls window down and a bunch of chronic smoke comesout* Aura?? The fuck you smokin chief? Do I look like a paladin to you? I'ma fuckin straight up barbarian *flexes biceps*
Princple Pricky: *backs down like a bitch and mumbles something under his breath while walkin back to the school.*

The girls saw how I handled business and I can see in my blind spot that their nipples were poking out and a wet patch by their vag. Guess the like the way I roll. I see Lil T and D Baby escorting 3 10/10 babes towards my way, and 1 fat whale that needed atleast one year of lipsuction and a serious jenny craig diet mixed with a rocky routine to get rid of her jelly.

Mindy: Wow, Lil T was right about you.. You are a big stud wink.gif
Loochi: *Looks at Lil T* The fuck faggot??
Sally & Tracy: CAN WE PLEASE SQUEEZE YOUR BICEPS PLZZZ
Loochi: Only if you eat my ass hole cool.gif

They seemed pretty keen on the deal even though I was joking

Patricia: *Eating cheesy poofs* Hey Loochi, Can I sit in your car and maybe make out with you?
Loochi: Sorry toots, but my car can't handle elephant sized freaks and I don't operate heavy machinary cool.gif

About now patricia is all swearing at me and calling me a vain pig. D baby is hollerin at the way I shot her down. She kept talkin shit and threatned to kick my car and leave a dent. I thought 'fuck this shit' and I set the hydrolics on her feet. She's all cryin and shit and her girl friends are laughin at her for bein a fat sack of shit.

I ripped out a fresh bottle of alize and skulled 2/5's of it and I'm drivin with 3 honnies in the front seat with me, D baby in the back and I put Lil T in the boot, he's all screaming for help and shit while we laugh drivin to the lake.

We get to the lake and I open the trunk and Lil T's unconcious. What a bitch. I decided since it was a nice sunny day I would like to get a tan. Took off my top and I lay on the grass lookin' like a greek sculptur of zeus. The 3 girls come sprinting touching my chest and abs, I'm pissed right now because I just wwant some peace and quite so I told them to fuck off.

Mindy: I heard you're rich..!! Buy me something! tongue.gif
Loochi: Yeah I guess I do have 2 cathans masks and a ethreal lenymo sash. Nt to mention spent a thul into my bonesnap which no man would dare do beacuse they think it's too pricy cool.gif
Sally: Huh??
Tracy: I think he's talking about Gucci designer gear biggrin.gif
Loochi: My gear is legit. I don't fucking hack son.

D Baby's all jealous since he worked so hard on his colm-over hair cut to try impress them when all I had to do was just be an OG and get them without trying. Starts talking shit tryna steal them from me.

D Baby: I was the one who hooked Loochi up with his items. If it weren't for me, he'd still be using a cracked club.
Loochi: What the fuck son? Screwin over your homies for some poon?

D Baby knew he was introuble when I stood up and lifted my aviators. The girls had their mouths dropped to the floor because they've never seen me angry. I'm walking like the terminator and I'm ready to kick his fucking ass for acting like a pussy whipped bitch. Guess he's just like his cousin. A fuckin bitch.

D Baby attempts to run back to the car like a bitch! I can't believe the nerve on this pussy! Takes after his cousin Lil T. D Baby makes iti n the car and before he can turn on the iginition I punch through the window like a level 7 bash and start punchin the shit out of him like a barbarian using fury. The girls saw the violence and started crying and shit ruinin my buzz. Might go over and knock them the fuck out.

D Baby was unconcious so I put him inthe trunk next to his pussy cousin and took off his pants incase the fed's found them they'll know they're gay for sure. I took the girls over the corner and made them eat my asshole, they wouldn'ts stop crying. I pulled up my pants and threatend if any of this got out I'd come back and fuckin kill them. They still cry with but now they have a bit of shit around their mouths. I drove the car straight into the lake and it fell about 90 meteres below. Got rid of the evidence and I don't think I'll be seeing Lil T or D baby for a while.

Rang up my homie G_Bomb and asked him to come chill and bring some blunts.

Guys.. Have any of your friends tried to make you look like joke infront of girls to get the poon??

[Dnote]

Loochi Gets A New Job!

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I was waitin' on my new friend Woo Long to get me frost burns for that extra freezing hit. Gotta slow my enemies down incase they try to go heal back to akara. I show no mercy when I duel and these days there are plenty of teleport and identify scroll hacks so I gotta put the pipe down and show these pussies who's boss on the blood moore. Woo Long was taking far too long trying to get my frostburns, he was probably eating noodles with some kentucky fried wontons. I don't fucking know? These asians eat anything. Cats even I hear. Makes me sick! All a good barbarian really needs is a protein shake, chick breasts and a minor mana potion for leaping.

I had to leave the computer AFK because it was my first day at my new job. McDonalds.

I get there with my uniform all ripped and shit and half a hat on top of my head from the pussies down the allyway that I bashed after they tried to tussle with me. Saw some fine broads that needed servicing down table 6 cool.gif - Had to work my charm. wink.gif

Loochi: Good evening ladies, wink.gif So far we have the Big Mac Combo with fries on the side and a tall glass of coke, or our special is the McLoochi with his McLeapattack shlong that can go deep down your throats. wink.gif - You're looking at him right now wink.gif
Alyssa: Ewww.... That's so fucking gross. We're so leaving.
Amanda: It's 10 AM in the morning moron, why'd you say 'good evening'
Loochi: *slams hands on the tables and makes scene* Alright you fuckin hairy arm pitted, acne infested, slut FREAKS!! mad1.gif - I have a lot on my plate at home right now, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!? MY FUCKIN ASIAN FRIEND WOO LONG STILL HASN'T GOT MY FROST BURNS AND I CAN'T AFFORD TO BUY MORE MINOR MANA POTS. SHOW A BIT OF FUCKING RESPECT..

About now they both ran out crying and screaming with their gucci designer bags and their lil Paris Hilton dogs.. Not to mention 40% of the customers left after they saw this. The manager wasn't happy with the way I handled shit and I had to see him in his office..

Roger: I CAN'T BELIEVE WAHT JUST HAPPEND LOOCHI.. ARE YOU OUT YOUR FUCKING MIND!? HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET MONEY IF YOU SCARED OFF NEARLY HALF THE CUSTOMERS.
Loochi: Yo man, I know I'm in the wrong but I just can't stop thinking what if I can't get frost burns?! Will I have to keep buying mana potions!??!?!? FUCK.. IT'S JUST MIND BOGGLING..
Roger: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT!? I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF HEARING ABOUT YOUR FROST FIRE SHIT. YOUR FI--

*gun shot*

We both came to the main place to see what the fuck's going on when suddenly we get held by gun point by a masked individual.

Anonymous: PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG SON AND KNOW WILL GET CAPPED.
Roger: *In tears like a bitch* Pleasssseeeeeeee I beg you.. I don't want to die!!! Shoot anyone but me!!!
Staff members: What the fuck chief!?
Roger: I have a wife and a baby girl, please don't shoot meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh *cries like michael Jackason*
Anonymous: I want the fucking money NOW. *shoots Rogers foot*
Roger: *Screams in agony* (like a necromancer when they die in pk) : Loochi!! .. Do you stil have the McDonalds safe in your house with all the money!? PLEASE BRING IT! I WILL RE-HIRE YOU AND MAKE YOU MANGER OF THIS JOINT! I BEG YOU OLD BUDDY OL PAL! DO IT FOR MCDONALDS!!
Loochi: Sweet, I get my job back and run this shit? .. Alright Rog', I'll be back in a jiffy. You can count on me.
Anonymous: You have 1 hour starting from now to bring me that money.
Loochi: Heh, Give me 5 min's. I'll just use the waypoint to get back to my house and come back
Everyone: ???
Loochi: My bicycle..

I get home and I look for the safe, I finally find it and I see it open and empty with only 10 dollar note and a rotten pizza. Musta spent all the dough on G_Bomb's keg party. Shit man, musta had about 70,000 and we blew it all in one night. Was well worth it. I stuffed the safe with monopoly money and was about to put the safe in my car when I suddnely see a msg on my D2 screen

WooLong: HEY! I got your frost burn. Woo/Long
Loochi: What up man, thanks for this shit. I can leap forever now. I guess you asians are pretty sweet..
Woolong: ^__^"a

About now I forgot about the whole McDonalds crisis and I musta been playing for four hours straight leaping and shit. These gloves are fuckin intense. Was on my way to the fridge to get me a bottle of henessey when I see on the channel 5 news the whole McDonalds crew was gunned down and killed.

Loochi: Oh yeah.. shit...... Totally forgot about that shit..... Better go back and check my frost burns are perm.

Guys...... Have you ever loved an item so much you forgot your other priorities??

[Dnote]

Loochi Gets A Piece

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I was in a game helping Lil T kill duriel in nightmare to help him find some godly items. Took us about 40 minutes to kill him due to his knock back effects and not to mention the holy freeze aure he was glitched with. I was attacking even slower than very slow. Literally 5 seconds before I do my next strike. Ofcourse being a bitch, Lil T died to a horde of skeletons before even entering duriel.

We didn't manage to kill duriel because we dropped due to time and decided it was time to up our items to the next level.

Lil T: Yo Looch', help me xfer these ethreal infernostride boots. I'll let duriel attack me while it sets off the inferno chance and ill run around while he chases me to his firey grave =D
Loochi: Not a bad idea.. Got a raven freeze so it gets rid of his aura glitch.
Lil T: I'll check after xfer man, stay here. Looch'... I gotta admit, you're the best pal a guy could everask for.. You're trustworthy and not to menti--
Loochi: Hurry the fuck up you punk bitch. I haven't got all day, I live life quarter mile a time. *Gets ready to remove him off his f list*

After 5 mins of xfering, I've had about enough. Usually when I help people xfer, as soon as they drop the item and go fetch their other char to get it, I'd leave the game b4 they even arrive and they start hollerin' some shit at "Fuck yo, why'd you leave! I lost the item". As I was about to push esc I read something I like.

Lil T: Looch', I know you hate xfering people how bout u leave your guy on and come to my house and chill?
Loochi: Is your mom home?
Lil T: Yeah, why's that?

I love going to T's house, something in his family genetics jus makes the females so damn sexy. His mom is a double D milf who has an ass like vida guera and a face of Angelina Jolie. I swear Lil T's ugly ass musta been adopted or some shit. I arrive in my ferrari enzo with a tank top on that really shows off my muscles because I'm ready to give Lil T's mom ass to mouth.

*Ding dong*
Lil T: wazup wazuuupp homie G dog g nizzle pa fizzle. cool.gif
Loochi: Fuck out my way before I tell your family about the time you cried in D2 for getting your flawd topaz jacked.
Lil T: *Blushes* I'm jus tryna act cool infront of the famz man. Come to my room and watch me xfer items.

I see the game T's in and look at my pimped out afk barb. I see him wearin' that red fury visor helm that pulls all the sorcs and sins in to get macked. I quickly grow bored and tiresome from Lil T's rambles about D2. Only thing I got on my mind is
A ) Fucking Lil T's mom three ways from sunday and
B ) Weather or not to socket my fury visor helm that gives 2 to grim ward with chipped skull for that notorious regeneration.

Lil T still talkin shit like a bitch...

Lil T: Yeah bro, I found this 22 to stamina ammy from that quill rat before the cold plains, I never venture into the cold plains since that rogue lady says it's too tough, You see Looch'.. I'm more of th--

About now I tuned out and wondered off to the kitchen where his mom was. I'm checkin that ass bent tryna cook a thanks giving turkey chicken.

Loochi: Momma T..
Momma T: Yes dear?
Loochi: Cut the BS. I know you want my cock shoved right up your ass. Let's not deny these feelings that we have for eachother. I'm a pimp and your a dirty double d slut. *struggles to pull his pants down due to his herculean leg size*

Momma T was jumpin all over my dick and shit! Suckin that shit dry with the most errotic slurping sounds! I could not believe my eyes guys! This bitch is a freak and I ain't gonna let her go until I bust righ inbetween her ass cheeks.

I musta been goin at it hard, hittin her from the back with my hand on her head shoving it into the oven, mosta been scorching hot down there coz she was screaming in pain (or otherwise from my huge 12 inch johnson in her ass cool.gif )

This is the part that might've ruined our trust and friendship forever.......

Lil T: WHAT THE FUCK!
Loochi: T.. I can explain..
Lil T: I BETTER GET THE BEST DAMN EXPLANATION OF MY FUCKING LIFE THEN LOOCHI.
Momma T: Ohhh fuck up T! Your friend can fuck! Unlike your pussy ass father who has a 2 inch needle and busts before he even hits the bed! Bring this young man more often wink.gif - DONT STOP!!
Loochi: You heard the lady T, gtfo.
Lil T: *Enraged* WTF!!!!

What the fuck's Lil T's problem anyway?? He's acting like this isn't the first time I've macked his mom. It's not my fault I put the pipe down and bitchz lust over me?

I'm pounding that shit and making her scream, put her head in the microwave so it rotates and T can look at her moaning face, he covers his eys and ears and starts yelling in tongues, ruining my buzz so I thought "Fuck this shit!" and I grabbed Lil T in a head lock and started noggying him while I pound that poon from behind.

Lil T: LOOCH ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! LET ME GO WTF!!!! >_<
Loochi: *Grabs the bottle of henessey from the fridge an skulls half of it and proceeds to mack*

After it was all set n done, I blew my load in the blue berry pie that was on the bench and saw Lil T unconcious maybe from my head lock. His mom was passed out with a smile. I quickly drove back to my barbarian and proceeded to put a flawd skull in my helm for godly reasons.

Here's where the problem comes into play..

I've told this to some people and they thought I'm a dick for what I did.. I need the input from my JSP bro's.

Guys, was what I did wrong!? Should I apologise? (serious answers only)

[Dnote]

Loochi's Slight of Hand.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

Guys.. Something bad happend to me today. I met this douche bag from JSP by the name of 'usmansimjee' who gave me foreign guild to help him xfer some stuff.

I come into the game strapped with my bonesnap ready to whack shit incase things look grim. I see usmansimjee transfering loads of gfg shit, flawd skull (something I've had my sights on since the moment I joined the d2 community) and a couple of stamina potions that could provide useful when traveling the arabian sands of Lut Gholein, ofcourse like most noobs he had some worthless junk that no body has ever heard of that I was planning to sell to Charsi (Sheko? Marla's kandy-scope? Natasha's set? Gheed's foresome!?! (wtf?) thought I'd sell this one to him since it had his name.) Some duped shit that I thought I'd sell and do Blizzard a favour. Stamina potion is all I needed to enhance my duels. Ever used one of those things? Feel like you're on some sorta steroids or some shit.

usmansimjee: Alright dude, I'm gonna get another char to pick this shit up and give it to my homie who just started D2.
Loochi: No problem man, I got you covered cool.gif

As soon as usmansimjee left, I quickly picked up the items I mentioned earlier and sold it to the merchants and gave Gheed his charm back. I quickly ran back and picked up the flawd skull that was shimmering on the ground. usmansimjee finally arrives and shit hits the fan..

usmansimjee: Alright back. Drop the stuff please.
Loochi: Sorry son, but I sold all those hacks to better the community of D2. Who knows, uber baal might come from selling all those hacks. Blizzard's way of saying 'thanks' cool.gif
usmansimjee: Wtf? .. There is NO such thing as uber baal and why the hell did you sell that shit.. - Give back my 10fg you bm man. I'm going to post this on JSP. Actually..... Give me 100 fg. That shit cost me lots and you just either sold it or kept it for yourself

(Luckily he totally forgot about that flawd skull. I'll just play along wink.gif)

Loochi: That foreign guild is mine. You gave it to me for helping you out.
usmansimjee: HELP?? YOU SOLD MY SHIT..
Loochi: Wasn't yours. Gheed clearly had his name on his charm. Nice jack there son. I'm here to make things right on D2 wink.gif
usmansimjee: ... Ok. See you in court.
Loochi: LOL !

*The next day*

So I was at the gym pumpin' the leg press and had about 3/4's of the weights on it just to warm up (Decided to take it easy today since I was having sex all night with 2 virgin twins, long night and I'm tired. Last thing I want is an injury.) - People were making complaints since there was no more weights to use, since I was using it all up on my legs. I just give them one look and they pretend they're looking somewhere else. Everyone knows not to fuck with an OG pimp.

As I get up to get a drink of water, a van full of cops come busting through the doors with handcuffs and cuff me to the steel pole nearby (wtf ?)

Officer Mike: You're under arrest for selling another persons belongings to the merchant charsi on Diablo II. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say could be used aga--
Loochi: No the fuck he didn't.. usmansimjee that fuckin pussy punk bitch!

I quickly break out of the cuffs with my barbarian strength and shove off the police men that were on top of me struggling to hold me down (must abeen about 7 of them) with a warcry motion / gesture that sent them flying about 2km's away in each direction (much like BO)

I get into my ferrari enzo and drive to the court house to arrive on time and beat the shit out of this kid for snitchin on an OG thug like me.

I kick the door down and as I expected usmansimjee, like a bitch had about 8 body guards around him incase this woulda happend. I see Lil T and D Baby in the jury hollerin' some shit at me, really wanna go there and knock them out for fun but later to that shit. I take a seat at the front and get confronted by the judge.

Judge Purcell: You're Loochi are you not? Care to explain what happend to this young man's belongings? Who is representing you?
Loochi: I shall be representing my self your honor, I don't need no pussy ass lawyers to justify what I did.
Judge Purcell: Very well, let's hear your side of the storey.
Loochi: I ain't gotta tell you shit. If Gheed was here, he'd tell you his charm was jacked by this low life. Look at him hiding like a bitch.. Justice, is what I'm bringing to you ladies and gentlemen cool.gif
Judge Purcell: Who is gheed? Is he in here?? Stand up Gheed. We need you to clarify this.
usmansimjee: Omfg. Gheed is not a real life person. He's an animated D2 character. Your honor, this is stupid.. We all know he sold my stuff and he won't return my forum gold.

About now the jury were whispering to eachother to wether I'm guilty or not.. Bad news guys...

D Baby: You're honor, we've come to a decision........... Sorry Looch'. But you did lock me and Lil T up in the car and drove it into the lake to die that one time... We choose guilty.
Loochi: I'm gonna kick both of your fucking asses you pussies.
usmansimjee: Finally some justice..
Judge Purcell: ORDER! Loochi. For your ways you shall recieve 3 months imprisonment in maximum security prison. Case dismissed.
usmansimjee: YUS!
Loochi: The fuck!?

As I was getting dragged away, I had 3 things on my mind..

1) Beat the shit out of Lil T and his cousin D Baby when I get out
2) Get ouf of prison and ask for usmansimjee's so I can kick his ass
3) Dream about what I'm going to do with my flawd skull when I get out.

I'm so depressed right now, Jail was the last place I'd picture my self in...

Gotta look at the bright side though, I got a flawd skull out of all this.

Was it worth it guys? (Serious replies only please.)

[Dnote]

Loochi Has A Bad Day

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I'm dating this fly latino chick Marcia that I met at hooters and decided to take her out on a date to the beach since it was a nice beautiful sunny day. I'm a thug that will do what ever it takes to stick my anaconda dong in some hot poon. Told her I was a doctor who graduated from Harvard medical school in a space amount of one year cool.gif (Bitchz dig a smart, handsome, muscly young thug who reels in the paypa) - Girls who are like this only go out with rich euro-fags that are religious. Had to tell a tiny white lie in order to get laid. That's how a playa rolls. wink.gif

I'm drivin' to her apartment in my hummer takin' up both lanes and watchin' pussies drive up on the foot path to clear way for me (Even the police). They didn't dare say shit since they saw my lisence plate 'B@RB3R3N'

I get to the driveway and remembered Marcia saying not to beep since her sick grandmother was in town and needed to recover from surgery. I beeped so loud that the cars next to me parked alarms went off and dogs started barking and howling, babies woke up and started crying. Her grandma musta had a heart attack or some shit from all the noise. I couldn't care less. I just rolled my window down in broad day light and rolled up a blunt infront of some pre school kids with my aviators on.

Joey: Hey mr! Mrs Krandel told us that smoking is a filthy habit and only hurts you.
Loochi: *Takes his aviators off and puts it in his dash board* I couldn't give a fuck what miss Krandel said. Tell her to shove it up her ass!
Joey's mom: *Grabs Joey by the hand and gets ready to walk off* You sir are the most moronic person here on this street. How dare you speak to my little boy with such harsh words. Don't you realise he's onl--

About now I tuned out and started staring at her fake tits and made it obvious too when I brang my face 5 centimetres from her chest, she had some fine tits brothers. All I gotta say is Joey's one lucky S.O.B to have had suck on that shit.

Joey: Mom what's he doing?
Joey's mom: *goes red* Let's go Joey, this man is a creep *Walks off fast*

Marcia: Loochi! biggrin.gif *runs in her heels with 9 gucci bags and her little chiwawa dog to hug me*
Loochi: Heh, sup babe. Was just at the orphanage donating 100 mil. Might go to the salvation army after our date and give another 45 bil. cool.gif
Marcia: Ohhhh so sweet of you!! The other guys who I knew only used their money to buy beers. You give away millions of dollars to the needy. Such a turn on papi.

(Little did Marcia realise that I only had $1.30USD in my bank balance and had already spent it on tearhaunch boots. They are glitched and give vigor. Needed the extra speed in duels)

Loochi: Don't mention it. I was destined to give away loads of money to the poor. Shall we go to the beach? wink.gif
Marcia: YES PAPI! biggrin.gif - By the way.. Do you know who beeped just before? My grandmother is crying because she was so frightend.
Loochi: What? I didn't hear a thing.. Otherwise I woulda knocked him in the head.

We reach the beach and got into our swim gears. I had a pair of short shorts pre ordered from Blizzard.com with a picture of the barbarian which appears to be weilding a bow. Not too shabby - Instructed to blizzard that I needed an extra extra large since my muscley legs couldn't fit in the last pair. Plus needed to be able to leap in something comfortable incase a tsunami came towards our direction. Y'all know what happend to Sri Lanka a while back. Coulda been avoided if they knew about D2 and used Leap.

Marcia looks fine with her awesome Tits jupming up and down and her apple bottom swinging side to side runnin' down the beach.

Marcia: Come swim with me Loochi biggrin.gif
Loochi: I gotta take care of some medical files. I'll come over in a sec
Marcia: Ok Dr Loochi. Don't work too hard wink.gif

I quickly layed on the sand to get a good tan and tried to log on to D2 but it said that there was no internet. I was pissed. This is America, the land of oppertunity and there's no fucking internet on the beach!? How was I going to
check if my tearhaunch boots arrived from binstore or not? Fuck this shit. Needed to go check the internet cafe quick. Fuck the pussy for now. I can get pussy when ever I want, Tearhaunch is once in a life time boots.

Loochi: Babe, The CEO of the hospital called me up. Said they needed the best surgeon ASAP. Mind if I pop back to the beach in about half an hour?
Marcia: AWWW sad.gif DON'T GO..
Loochi: Duty calls babe. I'll be back in a jiffy babe. I promise.

I drove down to the nearest internet cafe and logged on. BINGO! I recieved my boots with some perming instructions that I couldn't care less about. Got my homie Lil T to xfer them for me and man did I run quick. Not to mention the extra resist came in handy against those burning skeletons in the sewers. Now I can handle about 5 hits b4 I get into critical health before it was like 2 hits and my chicken mod would set off (Normal difficulty ofcourse)

I'm havin' fun with the boys chillin' and shit and I realised the time!! It was fuckin' 11 pm! I was with Marcia at 2pm! Shit! I drove down to her house and boy she wasn't impressed..

Marcia: You left me all by myself at the beach.. AND YOU DIDN'T CALL..
Loochi: Baby, I had to remove this guys cancer from his left ass cheek. Please be more understanding. My job is always on hte call. Not my fault God gave me talent to heal people? I'm like Ormus.
Marcia: Huh?
Loochi: Nothing.
Marcia: I don't know.. I want a man who can spend 24/7 with me...
Loochi: Baby you know I want that too.

About now my phone rang and Marcia had it in her bag! This couldn't be good. I needed to get it before her.

Loochi: BABE! LET ME GET IT! IT COULD BE ONE OF THE NURSES ASKING HOW TO DO A BARBA-SECTAMY!
Marcia: biggrin.gif Let me answer it! - Hello?
Rubbish truck driver: Loochi? Where have you been all day! The rubbish company does not tolerate absence from work. What is your excuse for having the day off at Californias biggest rubbish dump.
Marcia: ..... Is there something you wanna tell me Loochi?
Loochi: Oh yeah, i also have a rocket science degree but decided to keep it as a hobby cool.gif

About now I got the biggest slap of my life across the cheek and got kicked out of her house. I don't think I will be seeing Marcia again... The first poon that got away. Not feeling too well brothers. Not to mention when I got back home to relieve some stress, I check my barbarian and my Tearhaunch has poofed. (Wtf?) - I'm in my garage write now depressed spray painting my gum boots dark green and gonna wear them soon in memory of my tearhaunch.

I don't know what I did to deserve this. How could such a good day turn to shit..

Guys, Has this happend to any of you? Serious replies only please.

[Dnote]

Loochi Gets NKd.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I was out celebrating with the crew last night at the clubs dancin and shit with some hot babes. Met this hot ass chick by the name of Sandra who I could tell just wanted my cock by the way she was grindin on me and shit. Her pussy ass boy friend didn't dare say shit since he saw the size of my arms grabbin' her fine tits and the crew was behind my back. If anything were to happen, G_Bomb woulda smacked his shit up. We don't give a fuck about what we do and who we do it too. We basically run shit in New York.

I get home with Sandra and she's beggin' for me to put the pipe down to her. (Not my fault these hoes n tricks find me handsome). I was giving it to her all night long, she's moaning and shit. I was video taping it so she when she goes back home she could show it to her boy friend and her 6 year old son.

After it was all set n done, I told her to get the hell out of my house and kept her purse for later *** purchases. (Remade my barb without grim ward. Was researching forums and rattle cage makes 'monsters flee' when struck. Definitly gfg when I'm getting gang banged in the monastry without the crew to back me up)

It was gettin' late so I decided to hit the hay and wake up early to play some Diablo II and tell Lil T how much of a good night he missed out on.

It musta been about 4 AM in the morning and I heard noises in the kitchen.. Woke up and decided to see what the fuck's going on.

I walk in the kitchen and nothings there, musta been dreaming or some shit. I walk past the computer room and I couldn't believe my eyes! It was taht pussy from the clubs! Him and his friend were stealing my video games and dvd cd's. Not over my dead body...

Loochi: Aren't you that pussy who let me fuck your girl?
James: Fuck you man, you ruined our engagement. We were going out for 6 years and in 12 mins you went and fucked her! She was a virgin too faggot.
Leon: No one fucks with us.
Loochi: I see you have my diablo 2 cd in your bag... You can steal my safe with a million dollars, but not diablo two.. Big mistake. If I wa--

About now they both jumped me while I was in the middle of my heroic speech. I couldn't believe my eyes at all this shit.

Loochi: *Getting smacked around* you fucking pussies! 1 on 1 ! Let me put some fucking clothes on! STOP NK'ing! I just woke up. Let me put my fucking tshirt and pants on.
James: What the fuck is he talking about?
Leon: What's an NK?
Loochi: *pushes the off* So you faggots wanna BM huh?? Alright. Let's do it the pussy way *crouches like a ninja and prepares for a battle*
James: BM!? WHAT THE HELL !?
Leon: I think he's talking about the Bat man dvd that we haven't stolen yet.

About now I quickly grabbed my umberella and smcked one of the pussies across the head, blood comin out and shit. The guy with the girll I fucked ran out the door crying dropping all the shit he tried to jack. I ran after him in my underwear for about quarter mile until I thought "fuck this shit" and walked back home.

Neighbors saw the typa heat that I bring. Everyone knows not to fuck with me. I sleep with my doors and windows open now. No pussy will dare try to do this sorta shit again.

Keep your doors locked because I know this sorta shit is too much to handle for you pussies.

[Dnote]

WTH

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I'm in class today and we're studying diamonds and how they are made. Mrs Toolick seemed to be fascinated by jewelry and it was all she ever talked about. A gold diggin bitch is what I'm thinkin. Bet if I showed her my cathan seal she'd be all over me askin me for ass to mouth.

So I'm sitting near the middle area in the lecture theatre occupying two seats since I'm so tough. No body dared coming to me askin if anyone was sitting there. They knew they'd get beat up if they even looked my direction. I can see from my blind spot two chicks checking me out so I looked at them and gave them a wink

Loochi: Ladies. wink.gif
Melody: OH MY GAWWWWWWD!!!!
Sarah: AHHHHHH THAT SEXY BEAST TALKED TO US!!!
Loochi: Tell me something I don't know cool.gif

About now I can tell their pussy ass boyfriends are all jealous and shit tryna act tough but I'm laughin' all the way to the bank.

Mrs Toolick: Class in session. Today we're going to discuss the formation of diamonds. Not just any diamonds, but how they start off and how they become perfect in their form. Anyone know how they originated?
Loochi: I'm no science geek like those two acne faced nerds sitting infront of me, but I think I have a rough idea of how diamonds are made since I've had a couple my self. cool.gif

*Girls run down and sit next to me the moment I said I owned diamonds*

Mrs Toolick: Please, Tell me and the class how they are made.
Loochi: Well, the diamond starts off chipped and small and can be found from quill rats outside camp. Usually rare for the rats to ho--
Mrs Toolick: 'Quill' rats?
Loochi: ? Oh yeah? Those rats that shoot spikes. You haven't encountered one before? Dangerous bastards. I'm tough though so when I hit them they usually die
Mrs Toolick: Spikes? Dear God. I've never heard this before?

*Class starts hollerin' about the quill rat since they haven't seen or heard of it before*

Mrs Toolick: SHHH people! Let this gentlemen finish.

Mrs Toolick: Well, that is very interesting. I never knew about quill rats before and the fact they hold small diamonds? Do you know how the diamonds form?
Loochi: I was gettin to that. Usually when I get 3 small diamonds, I like to put them in my horadric cube and push transmute so they become one flawd diamond. A bit bigger and shinyer. You see the trick is, you collect as much diamonds before you sell to chars--

Mrs Toolick: Wai-wai-wai-wait... 'Horadric' cube? I'm sorry to say but you can not make diamonds out of cubes?
Loochi: Trust me. I've done it many times and I've sold perfect diamonds for gold.

Sarah: ohhh soo dreamy... Big, handsome and has gold heart.gif

Mrs Toolick: No.. I'm sorry but you don't have scientific evidence to back this up. The thought of a box making diamonds is laughable.
Loochi: Your cameltoe is laughable you old hag.
Mrs Toolick: I beg your pardon?
Loochi: What I meant to say was, I have the cube here to show a demonstration if you'd like?
Mrs Toolick: By all means,

I reached through my bag and grabbed a box of 'Special K' cereal and walked to the front of the class to do the experiment that will get me a noble prise and a lifetime amount of poon. The box was marked and drawn exactly like the cube and had a made button 'transmute'

Mrs Toolick: This is a joke.. Special K?
Loochi: I would have brang cocopops but Lil T's borrowing it for his barbie doll dream house.

*Class laughs and hollers*

Mrs Toolick: Hahaha, ahh yes. That sissy friend you always beat up?
Loochi: *sigh* yep..

Mrs Toolick: Please go on.

I put 3 diamonds from the class and closed the box. I pushed transmute, the moment that was going to get me fame and poon was one cereal box away... Deckard cain, don't fail me with your horadric bullshit now! I opened it up and nothing happend.. I kept trying this for like 15 mins and the class was hollerin and shit. Mrs Toolick wasn't impressed about the fact she wasted her time so she sent me to the deans office to discuss my punishment.

Have you guys been in a situation where you know you're doing something right but it just fails? Serious replies only please.

[Dnote]

Loochi Saves A Life!

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

I'm a person who doesn't talk shit or waste time so I'ma get straight to the point.

I was at this foreign exchange chicks house puttin the pipe down to her and was ready to bust when suddenly I get an emergency phone call from the hospital.. I immediatly pulled out my wang out of this broads taco and busted on her hair to occupy her while I took this call and see what the fuck's up.

Loochi: *panting for breathe from the sex* Sup pussy?
Dr Jones: Loochi, you're friend Lil T has been in an accident in town last night and got stabbed by gang members who refer to them self as the clips... They wear blue clothes and have a dance that is similar to Michael Jackson's moo--
Loochi: Clips? The fuck you on about son. It's crips. I'll be at the hospital in 5 mins.

About now the Doc's on the phone cryin and shit apologisin for his mistake about the crips, probably thought I was gonna go over there to kick his ass. Tempting as it may be, but I gotta see my best friend and gotta get the down low on this shit and see why anyone but me would bash this innocent kid.

I arrive at the hospital and see T there laying half dead with what appeared to be a stab wound.. Not a good site. I grip my fist in anger..

Loochi: Give to me straight doc.. Was that stab caused by a high %age of open wound from that knife?
Dr Jones: VERY high. Any sharp object has 100% change opening the wound an--
Loochi: ANY? Those fucking crips woulda been using something more than a atlantean sword. You think that shit causes OW?
Dr Jones: Sword? No no I think you totally misunderstood, it was a kn--
Loochi: I don't wanna fuckin' hear it you indian fag. I'll be back tonight to see how he's doin.
Dr Jones: *Shakin like a bitch* Here's the card and the password to get access to the hospital! We trust you not to do anything stup--
Loochi: *Looks at him like a thug*
Dr Jones: *Springs off and screams for help like a bitch*

I walk over to T and see the IV machine hooked up to him giving him O2 and blood. The thought of losin my best friend is beyond comprehension. I opened a fresh bottle of corona and skulled it back and took one deep look at T.

Loochi: You're one ugly motherfucker... And a gay fag... But know one does this shit to my homie. I'll heal you up buddy. And the moment you wake up, I'm gonna kick your ass and send you back here for wasting my time.

At that very moment, An great idea (like always) came to mind and I knew the quickest way to heal T in his slumber and get him back on his feet in no time. Something even these pussy doc's couldn't have thought of. I drove down to the dairy and took a huge jug of grape juice and didn't pay for it, I walked out with it just like a true playa would. This grape juice jug resembled 100% rejuvination potion. I snuck it in under my t shirt which what appeared to people that I have gained 20 pounds. I walk in to T's room and I un hook the IV machine and empty it out. The machines start to beep furiously, maybe because there was nothing in them or some shit, but that will be takin care of once I put the grape juice in there and it will run straight to his veins. Can't wait to see the results

I hooked the machines back up with the grape juice in it but T started to spaz out ! (wtf?) maybe it was part of the healing process.

Loochi: Hang in there T! This full rejuvination will heal you faster than these pussy ass tablets they given ya!

I looked at his wound but it still didn't close up so I jus put a dirty napkin over it from the feed I had earlier. The beep started to ring even harder and security comes in the room.

Davis: Excuse me sir, we're going ot have to ask you to leave. We need to check these machines for any foreign substances.
Loochi: Tryna stop T from gettin back to his feet ahy!? Over my dead body !

I pushed off the old man sleeping next to T and threw the bed at the security sending him through the wall. Blood and shit was all over the place. The beeping was too loud for me and I knew that by tomorrow T will be back to normal.

Loochi: This is some boring shit son, I'll see you tomorrow when you're all good. I'ma go to D Baby's for some drinks.

I jus walked out dustin my hands and thinkin to my self..

"Ahh Loochi. Is there anything you can't do?" cool.gif

[Dnote]

The Oculus Theory.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I was with D Baby at the mall with my new girl Kelly crusin around the shops lookin' for a present for his mom. I hate this sorta shit and if it was up to me, I woulda ditched this fool and went straight back on d2 mfing in the Den of evil but the problem is, this new chick had some fine tits and I had to do what ever it took to put the pipe down and bust raw in her eyes so I can exit the building in haste without the lovy dovy shit. My style of dim vision curse. wink.gif

We went to the antique shop and D Baby found a golden candle holder with blue colours at the top which looked like the perfect gift for a mom. Kelly was sayin' somethin' about college or some shit but I wasn't really payin attention. She probably thought I was listenin to her but I had my aviators on and I was scopin' them tits. I believe they were double D or could've been bigger. D Baby purchased the candle and we headed towards the elavator to go to the underground car park and get the fuk outta here.

D Baby and Kelly go in first. I had to walk in sideways since my shoulders were so wide. I was grabbin' Kelly's ass while D was pushin the buttons to go down. As we were goin' down, the elevator started shakin like crazy and the warning sign appeared! You guys wouldn't believe it... The elevator broke! This small elevator area reminds me of the penitentiary.. Not such good memories. Kelly's all stressed and shit talkin' shit. I'm ready to knock her out and bang her right there and then. Her screechy voice is makin' me mad. D Baby lookin' like a nervous bitch. Had to go see what's up and solve our situation.

Loochi: The fuck did you do to the elevator son? *Clenches fist and gets ready to uppercut D Baby incase he says one wrong word*
D Baby: Look Looch', I didn't do nothin. All I did was press dow--
Loochi: *grabs him by the collar* If we don't make it out in the next half an hour, I'm gonna PK you and shove that candle holder up your ass. Get my drift?
D Baby: Pk? Looch' this isn't D --
Loochi: I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT..
Kelly: Loochii I'm scared! What if we never make it out! I only have a pedicure that will last me for one more day before I needa buy a new one :'(
Loochi: You think you got problems? If I don't leave this place in half an hour, my mule full of indentify scrolls will expire and I will have no scrolls to use on the items I find. So what's the solution? Just sell them unidentified? Over my fuckin dead body! *punches the wall*
Kelly: WAAHHHH *cries*

Kelly's in the corner speaking in tongues, this whole ordeal is traumatising her. I was standing behind D Baby watchin him hit the switches and making sure he doesn't fuk up again. Who knows, he could be an arabian terrorist for all we know. As I was watchin' D Baby work the buttons, I see the candle hangin out of his back pocket and as a geneious, I suggested the ultimate idea that could get one of us out for help..

D Baby: *sigh* I guess we have to wait for maintenance =/
Loochi: Don't your pussy ass worry. Unlike you two, I have an idea. You see this worthless junk you bought? *grabs it out of D Baby's pocket*
D Baby: Hey! Careful bro. That cost 6.95!
Loochi: Hold it. This is our meal ticket out of here.
D Baby: This!? .. How ?
Loochi: Do you know what that looks like? It looks like the oculus. The unique sorceress wand. If I remember correctly, when you get hit it should teleport you randomly anywhere. Once you teleport, You go get help for us.
D Baby: Wait.. Dude you take D2 waaaay too serious. It's only a game..
Loochi: What did you just say....... ? *Stares at him with an angry face*
D Baby: Ok ok... How will I get hit though? There's no one here.
Loochi: Leave that bit to me... *Smerks and holds his fists up while standing in a barbarian positiion*
D Baby: wtf? Dude.. No fuckin' way. You can't be ser--

I start deliverin' strike and blows on D Baby while he screams for help and tries to the reach for the emergency phone and call for help.

D Baby: EMERGENCY! I GOT A MANIAC PUNCHIN AND KICKI-- *Fone drops due to hard heavy hits from Loochi*
Loochi: Just for that, I'm gonna make this duel longer you fuckin prick!

The nerve on this kid. After I do his ass a favour and free him he wants to call security on me? I head butt him and give him a few elbow strikes and knees. Kelly's cryin seein blood splatter all over the show. Jeez. 25% chance to tele randomly and he's still on the ground with a black eye and fat lip. Started to hit harder and faster to increase the percentage chance. As I was about to hit him again, the doors opens and the maintenance dudes see what happens and I get cuffed by security and get takin to the cops and get interegated. I'm explaining the chance to teleport on the oculus item but had no evidence since I left the candle holder in the elevator. I watch Kelly bein' escorted by some people and they comforting her and watch D Baby get picked up by a stretcher that's heading to the ambulance.

25% chance and it didn't even work? That's like 1/5 of the time it would activate and teleport? Bad Luck I guess..

Giant_J is on his way with 2 mil foreign gold to bail me out. I'll be back on the streets before you pussies know it. cool.gif

[Dnote]

Loochi And Raygon.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I'm takin' a break from owning in duel games and decided to drive in my ferrari enzo and go to the gym for a work out and shit, musta been curlin' 300 pounds in each arm to scuplt a physique identical to the hero of harrogath (not Larzuk, he's a fuckin' pussy.)

I finished my first set and dropped the dumbbells from exaustion and it made an earthquake and crater holes on the ground from the weight being so heavy. I walk over to the water fountain to freshin up and I see a hot babe checkin me out. I ignored her because I've already banged 4 chicks in the morning and I needed a rest although I'll be keen to add her to the list cool.gif

Sara: Excuse me.
Loochi: ??
Sara: My name's Sara, and I saw you lift those big weights. You must be the toughest guy in the gym. My boyfriend Brandon works out too. He's over there doing his abs tongue.gif *points at him*
Raygon: *lifts shirt up and flexes his abs in the mirror and shouts* "YEAA!!!! I'M AS MUSCLY AS I AM RICH ON D2 BABYYYY WOOOOT!!"
Loochi: *Takes off aviators to have a better look* Looks like a pussy to me.

I walk off from the chick to proceed my next set. I don't waste time at the gym. I get in there and it's business. About 30 seconds later, This pussy comes with his girl and tries to make conversation and try get some tips off me.. Big mistake.

Sara: Hey! Can you stop your workout for a moment please? I want you to say hi to my boy friend.
Loochi: *Stays focused lookin' at the mirror and curls with intensity*
Raygon: *Lifts his shirt up beside Loochi and flexes his abs.* What do you rekon babe? Best abs in the world or what?
Sara: That's my sexxxxy! heart.gif
Loochi: The fuck you want son..
Raygon: Sup, my girl says you play diablo. Under what account? My name's Brandon. But you can call me Raygon. wink.gif *puts hand out for a handshake*
Loochi: Heh.. What's up Brendon. *Shakes his hand and does a barbarian grip that nearly breaks every bone in Raygons hand*

GIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Shouts Raygon in agony from the hand shake.

Raygon: MY HAND.. The fuck is wrong wit you.. You always grip this fucking hard!?
Loochi: Testing to see if you were a pussy. You failed the test son. cool.gif
Raygon: You also said my name wrong faggot. It's Brandon not Brendon dimwit!
Loochi: I don't give a fuck about your name. Take it as a compliment. Brendon Afflick from Hollywood.
Raygon: That's Ben Afflick you dumbass!

About now me and Raygon are face to face about to scrap. I got my fists ready to knock this pussy out. You should seen how small he was compared to me. His girl comes in between us and pleads us to not fight.

Sara: PLEASE DON'T FIGHT HIM BRANDON! CAN'T YOU SETTLE THIS LIKE CIVILISED GENTLEMEN!?!
Raygon: Alright, how about an arm wrestle? Who ever loses apologises. Or you too scared? *flashes his abs to me again*
Loochi: Stop doin that you fucking pussy!
Raygon: JEaaaalous? wink.gif My abs are like a 6nado green antler pelt with 10fhr base 29 life 2 OS with 2 15/15's wink.gif What's yours? a DELI!!!! *laughs*
Loochi and Sara: ... ?
Loochi: Let's do this, I gotta meet Lil T at the strip club in 15 mins.

I sit down at a table oppisite him and grip up my arm. My hands were so big they dwarfed this pussy. I had tree trunks, he had twigs. The match begin and Brandon was giving it all he had, he was going red and straining like a bitch. I was checkin out a hot babe runnin on the tread mill seein her Double D's bounce. I wasn't aware the match had started. I look back and he's all puffed out and shit. I put my all my effort and slammed his arm through the table. He's all screamin and cryin and shit makin me deaf from his pussy ass screams. I thought 'fuck this shit!' and I grabbed the near by dumbbell and smacked it on his head and he started to spaz out. Bloods comin out and his girls screamin for help. Everyone gatherin around him givin cpr and shit. I walked out of the gym and hopped in my ferrari and began rollin' a blunt. Sparked that shit up and I was on my way to see T at the club. Reversed back by accident into a pink beetle that had Raygon on the lisence plate. Musta been a coinsidence.

Guys, Has Raygon mentioned this to any of you guys? - Serious replies only.

[Dnote]

Almost Got Jacked Today.

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

So I'm at my Lawyers office with my main man T signing a Will to him that will grant the password to my barbarian and his pgem mule if anything were to happen to me. I wanted my legacy to continue incase I were to die and I thought I'd let T carry my spirit on since he's my most trusted comrad, with so many player hating noobs these days, anything is possible can happen to me. But will definitly take a miricale to bury me.

After that was set and done, I hop in my hummer with 29" chrome wheels and drive down to the local park nearby to celebrate by hunting down some hot girls and banging them.

Loochi: Well T, congrat's. You're basically the richest guy on West. Most probably on all four realms combined.
Lil T: Wow thanks dude biggrin.gif you're the greatest friend a guy can have. Can't wait until you d-- .. I mean, where are we goin' now ol' pal?
Loochi: We're on our way to poon cool.gif
Lil T: Really? Who are we going to PwN ? I heard there's a net cafe jus down the corner wi-- *Gets smacked over the head by Loochi*
Loochi: I said 'Poon' as in pussy you dumb bitch. Not PwN as in duels.. Give me a minute, fillin' up this gas tank.

As I fil the hummer with 600$ petrol, I see Lil T giving money to some biker fags. My bet is that he's probably giving them money so they won't kick his ass, I know that pussy way to well and I'm positive thats what the money's for. I get back in the car and drive off the station without paying the fee's for the gas. Pussies runnin' after us and hollerin' while I just turn Shakira's 'Whenever, where ever!' song up loud with my aviators and a smerk drivin' 180 mph to Poon Lane for a good ol' time.

We get to the park and as expected hot babes all in bikini's runnin' around waitin to be thrashed by a pimp like me. T told me to go the other way for a surprise, I didn't want to because I had 6 girls checkin' me out and I knew they wanted me to put the pipe down, but T begged me so I drove to where he wanted me to go. We get to the place and it's a forest like scene and no one or nothing is around. Just trees. I get out and T tells me he'd be right back. I musta been waitin' 5 minutes and I'm already fuming from missing out on that hot young poon that I coulda slammed.

I was minding my own business takin' a piss on an ancient tree that looked like the one from the stoney field that drops the scroll of infusis. I zip up and you guys won't believe what happend.. I got snipered and got shot right above the heart.. I'm not even exajurating, bullet went through my chest and came out of my back..! I fell back with a 'wtf' look on my face. I'm bleeding and shit and I can hear Lil T in the background.

Lil T: Thanks for that guys, I hope he dies soon so I can go on his account and take his Iron Jang Bong for my sorc.
Biker guy1: No problem pussy.
Biker guy2: If you need sexual services, let me no... free of charge cutie wink.gif
Lil T: Ughh....

I could not believe me ears.. I was more pissed than the time I was in that 'Free for trust' game and got my Horadric cube jacked by J_Bakes89. I'm layin' there bleeding and in pain like some sorta 'Saving Private Ryan' scene but I'm not a pussy ass actor, this shit is fo'real. I thought 'fuck this shit' and I dug in my chest and pulled the bullet out with my bare hand. It was still smokin' hot and steam was comin' from it. I reached through my pants and grabbed a blunt but couldn't find my lighter so I used the bullet while it was hot and smoked that sticky icky that I bought from compton. The weed numbed my pain and I'm back up again. This time I'm gonna kick Lil T's ass fo'real.

The biker guys tried to boost off but I throw my umberella inbetween their tyres and jammed their shit up. These pussies are goin no where and I beat they wish they shoulda finished me off for good. Lil T realised that I was still alive and he's all crying on his knees pointin and blaming the bikers and how they convinced him to kill me. I couldn't care less. I'm kicking all their asses whether they were involved or not. Biker guy2 pulls out a glock and aims it at my head but I'm standin' there acting tough and puffing my chest up to show him I'm not scared. As he was gonna pull the trigger, Lil T runs off with his wrists flayling in the air and Kuzin K mysteriously comes out the bushes with his surf board and whacks it over his head leaving him to drop the gun on the floor while K goes after T. It's down to me and Biker guy1. We both reach the gun in time and grab it. He was puffin and shit tryna take the gun out of my hand but I quickly took it out of his hand and i bent it in half.

Loochi: "Only pussies use guns, use a real weapon son." *Whacks his face with his umberella.

Both the biker guys are down for good and Lil T will be caught in time. I'm definitly removing the will. And I'm going over to his house tomorrow to fuck his shit up.

Guys, Have you ever thought you could trust someone with anything but they betray you? Serious replies only please.

[Dnote]

Loochi Gets Owned

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

Man today was so gay... All the kids in my class where talkin' about how easy it is to get to level 90 and some even claimed to do it in one day and get through act 2 in a matter of minutes.. Hard to believe since it literally takes me 3 days to get the horadric staff and about 4 days to get the amulet since those snake men kill me in 1 charge if I don't leap away in time.

I got caught in the moment and I wanted to show off to a chick who plays D2 so I gave my input to the class.

Loochi: It takes you noobs 1 day to do all that? It takes me 25 min's to get through all the quests in normal/nightmare and hell all by myself without any assitance and I find and make my items and start leveling for 35 mins to get to atleast level 93 if I wanted.

About now the whole class runs up to me and starts callin' me out and one of them pulls out the cd from his back pack and hollers " Yo, let's install it and make him show us how " - I wanted to fucking kick his ass for doin that. My worst nightmares came to life, the whole class started to holler and shit and the teacher said he'll read the lectures next week because he was curious to see if this was true. Girl that I liked told me if I do it 5 min's less than what I claimed, she'd give me ass to mouth.

I was walkin nervously to the computer lab while Lil T was laughin' at me because he knows it takes us atleast 3 weeks to get to nightmare and by IF we get to nightmare we're usually stuck in the blood moore, heaps of people where behind me basically the whole class and they were knockin on each class and tellin them what's up and to come follow..! I had about the whole school and the channel 3 news came with cameras and shit.. Fuk man... What did I get myself into.

I sit my self down and I get the game installed, I log on in and when I joined the game everyone was hollerin' and shit.

Joey: Well? Hurry the fuck up faggot! Show us how it's done!

About now all I hear ' 1 hour rush, rush, rush, rush, rush! ' from the WHOLE entire group that was in the room and I jus chocked like how eminem did on 8 mile. Everyone is boo'in and shit, and the lecturer threw his banana at my head. The news crew zoomed the camera at me so the whole world can see how much of a pathetic lier I was. I quickly sat still and didn't move an inch of my body and pretended I was lagging jus like how I do on D2. People where throwin' me off the chair and smashin it on my head , girl I liked came up to me and slapped my face.

Lil T: He's laggin, give the man a chance!! *gets tackled by the quarter back and smashed by a group of emo's*

I took it like a man and I kept laying their lifeless until it was 12:00AM where everyone was gone. I quickly got up and booked the next bus trip to kentucky to start a new life. I'll be leaving tomorrow morning and changing my name and shit. My reputation is ruined.

fuck this shit.

[Dnote]

Loochi's Goodbye

Sup guys, It's me Loochi.

Well, my job's done here cool.gif - I wish you all the best of luck with your trades and stuff. Me and my crew (Lil T, G_Bomb, Woo Long, Kuzin K, D Baby, Giant-J, Day Day, my dad and the rest) woul to say thanks for the hook ups when I was poor and thanks for the donations, it really helped me out in the rough times. Good community. Nice and helpful! Made the game fun.

Sorry to all the haters for wastin' the space on the trades (lul) and thanks for the support from the fans!

So long everyone!







LONG LIVE THE LEGEND OF LOOCHI!

[Jidan]